I've learned that being in my 20's is a perfect storm for worry to show up a lot more than necessary. I know that I worry about things I can't control, but that doesn't stop me from doing it. I worry about tomorrow. I worry about yesterday. I worry about today. I worry about decisions, moments, relationships, people, places, things, and plans.. honestly it's exhausting. And you know what I think is interesting about worry? It comes from an old English word wyrgan which actually means strangle, which is crazy because when I worry all the time I honestly feel like I am being strangled. It's not peaceful, it's not joyful, and it sure as heck is not from God.
So since I've laid it all on the table and you know that I worry way too much - tonight was no different. I was worrying. And in the past, I have felt super guilty about being a worrier because the bible says "You shall not fear" 365 times. That's once a day for a whole year, and my fear and worry seems to get in the way of that truth more often than not. So tonight, I was worrying. I've been sick for 10 days and I started to worry that the medicine the doctor gave me didn't work, or that she misdiagnosed me, or that I was relapsing in mono. I worried that I would never be "healthy" again (which is absurd to even type, but it's a thought that I had so I'm just being painfully real here for the purpose of this entry). I decided to hop in the shower before going to bed in hopes that it would make me feel better and while I was washing my hair I decided to pray. I didn't even know what to pray - I've been sick for over a week and if God wanted to heal me he would, but I persisted. After a few minutes out of nowhere I heard
"My child, when you worry, the enemy rejoices. Stop giving the enemy reason to think he holds power over your life."
My jaw dropped. I literally said WOAH out loud. God did THAT. He did that for me. In that moment, I stopped worrying. I said "okay." I was free. I realized that I want no part of the enemy rejoicing. I don't want my worry to give him a reason to show up at my door with cake and balloons every night because, let's be real, he's gonna do that as long as I let him.
I'm sharing this because I have never had worry put into this perspective. I have never seen it from the eyes of the enemy, I have only ever pictured it from the eyes of God. And when I step back and realize that I am fueling the enemy's power over my life, it seriously makes me want to never worry again. It makes me feel dirty. I want no part of that because when I worry, not only does it make God smaller than He is but it makes the enemy bigger than he will ever be. It puts me in a position of questioning & denying rather than trusting and receiving.
I don't want the enemy rejoicing over my life. I want the choirs of angels singing. I want the saints cheering. I want God to smile and say "that's my daughter" and I'm gonna do my best to not give the enemy any reason to celebrate.